Four Children

As im sure most of you noticed by now, Shane and I now have four children together.

Some people would ask me, "Are you insane?!" I noticed that those people usually dont have kids. The ones that do have kids often ask, "So how many more are you planning to have?" I know its usually just a joke, but Im thinking, "Um yeah right, I'm retiring my uterus."
I sometimes feel bad when I think this because I always knew that Shane wanted like ten kids. But he also knew that I didnt want to be pregnant more than four times. Since we didn't have triplets and twins, its just not happening that way.

Also, we can't exactly fit more than four kids in student housing without breaking some kind of rules! We're still on the wait list for a three bedroom as it is!! Even though 860 sq ft for 6 people is totally LAME, it will be better once there are two seperate "rooms'" for the boys and girls. Then mom and dad get their space back and once Willow stops breastfeeding everything will be back to normal. And by "everything" I mean my horomones (aka attitude, patience, overall mood) which will end up being better for everyone.

Seriously, as if childrearing wasn't already physically hard enough, you add the emotional stress from adjusting to a new baby and then chemical imbalances from the overload of horomones during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Then add the fact that someone forgot to mention that "pregnancy brain" lasts a lot longer than just pregnancy! Oh yeah, and im hungrier now more than ever!!

Ill be so relieved if I can make it the whole year.

Life comes at you fast, especially when you have children.

One of my biggest fears (Im sure a lot of people also fear this) is that I won't be a good parent. I want to be perfect so that my kids will try to be even better than that. But, we all know that nobody is perfect, ever. I want to be a better example for them, i want them to succeed in life. to be good people and live a good life, helping others, showing love and being a good example in general. The problem is that ive noticed that the older one gets the less perfect, the less innocent, the less generous, the less loving, the more bitter and hateful they get.
I know this because as it has happened to you, its happened to me. i saw the world so differently as a child.